Trying Harder Than Ever And Feeling Worse Than Ever

I don’t think people fully understand how emotionally exhausting it is to work THIS hard on yourself… and still feel awful in your body.

And I know I’m not alone in that.

Because the more women I talk to over 40, the more I realize so many of us are quietly having the exact same experience.

We are trying harder than we ever have before.

Working out consistently.

Lifting weights.

Walking more.

Eating better.

Drinking less.

Tracking protein.

Prioritizing sleep.

Taking supplements.

Listening to podcasts.

Learning about hormones.

Trying to “manage stress” while simultaneously carrying the mental load of an entire family and pretending we’re fine.

And somehow…

many of us feel worse than we did ten years ago.

That’s the part nobody prepares you for.

The Chin-Up Moment

Yesterday during my workout I did more chin-ups in a row than I did last week.

Which objectively should have felt amazing.

Progress.

Strength.

Capability.

But while I was doing them, I looked down at my legs and immediately felt gutted.

Not because they weren’t strong.

They ARE strong.

But because they look different now.

Softer.

Heavier.

Different in ways I don’t fully recognize yet.

And what’s hard to explain is how confusing it feels when your body is simultaneously becoming stronger…while also becoming harder to accept.

Especially when you’re doing “everything right.”

The Midlife Scam No One Warned Us About

I swear once women hit 40, society suddenly starts aggressively selling us solutions to problems we didn’t even know we were supposed to have.

Hormones.

Botox.

Supplements.

Laser treatments.

Special workouts.

Gut healing.

Nervous system regulation.

Skin tightening.

Anti-aging creams.

Protein powders that cost the same as a small mortgage payment.

And honestly?

Half the time I sit there thinking:

Will any of this even make me feel better?

Or are we just desperately throwing money at the hope of feeling like ourselves again?

Because that’s what I think so many women are actually grieving.

Not aging itself.

But the loss of familiarity with ourselves.

It’s Not Just About Looks

I need women to understand this.

This conversation is NOT just vanity.

It’s grief.

Identity.

Control.

Fear.

Exhaustion.

Confusion.

It’s looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back despite trying so damn hard.

It’s wondering why your body suddenly feels like it changed the rules without telling you.

It’s mourning how easy things used to feel.

And then feeling guilty for caring because: “Other people have bigger problems.”

Meanwhile you’re quietly at war with yourself in every change room and every summer outfit.

Gratitude Helps… But Also? Meh.

I know all the “right” answers.

Practice gratitude.

Love your body.

Focus on what it can do.

Appreciate your health.

Aging is a privilege.

And listen…I actually DO believe those things.

I AM grateful.

I’m grateful my body moves.

I’m grateful I can lift weights.

I’m grateful I can run around arenas and soccer fields and do chin-ups and carry groceries and hug my kids.

But if I’m being fully honest?

Sometimes gratitude doesn’t magically erase the grief.

Sometimes both exist together.

You can appreciate your body…while also struggling deeply in it.

And I think women deserve more space to admit that without immediately being handed another inspirational quote.

Maybe The Goal Isn’t Loving Every Inch Of Ourselves

Honestly?

I don’t know anymore.

Maybe the goal isn’t waking up every day completely obsessed with our bodies.

Maybe the goal is neutrality sometimes.

Respect.

Compassion.

Peace.

Maybe the goal is learning how to stop making our worth rise and fall based on what our thighs look like in shorts.

Maybe the goal is realizing our bodies are not projects we endlessly need to fix before we’re allowed to fully live.

Because I look around at women my age and I see so many of us completely exhausted from trying.

Trying to age well.

Trying to stay attractive.

Trying to stay healthy.

Trying to stay mentally stable.

Trying to stay desirable.

Trying to stay disciplined.

Trying to stay positive.

Trying.

Trying.

Trying.

And honestly?

I think we’re tired.

What I Do Know

What I do know is this:

Your struggle with your body does not mean you’re weak.

It does not mean you’re shallow.

It does not mean you’re failing.

It means you’re a woman living in a world that simultaneously tells you:

• to age naturally

• but not LOOK like you’re aging

• to love yourself

• but also constantly improve yourself

• to embrace midlife

• but somehow remain untouched by it

That’s an impossible mind fuck for most women.

So if you’re over 40 and quietly wondering why you’re working harder than ever yet feeling more uncomfortable in your body than ever before…

I promise you are not alone.

Not even close.