Deep Thoughts from the “F*ck It, I Don’t Wanna” Era

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m actually growing… or just losing my mind in perimenopause.

Because here’s the thing—I’ve done a lot of healing.

I’ve felt the feelings.

Dug into the wounds.

Faced my patterns.

I've gone from being numb and going through the motions to actually living my life with my eyes (and heart) wide open.

And don’t get me wrong, life feels sweeter. Way sweeter.

But also… harder.

Because when you’re tuned into yourself, when you can feel every flicker of resistance or emotion, when you know what it feels like to be aligned and what it feels like to be off—it becomes damn confusing to know what’s what.

Is this resistance I’m feeling a sign from the universe that this isn’t meant for me?

Or is it the good kind of discomfort—the kind that comes with change, growth, and grit?

I'm in an era of life where I really don’t want to do the things I don’t want to do. I’ve tasted freedom, I’ve built a life that reflects so much of what I value—and when something feels hard now, my default setting is:

“Nope. Fuck it. Not for me.”

But also… what if it is?

What if the universe isn’t blocking me, but stretching me?

There’s something to be said for being the grittiest one in the room. The person who keeps showing up. Who fights for what they want. Who doesn’t back down just because it’s uncomfortable. I know that version of me. She’s powerful as hell. She’s gotten me through everything.

But… is that still the path forward?

I sit with these questions a lot. I question the signs. I question the timing. I question whether I’m being guided by intuition or just burnt out from carrying too much for too long.

And then there’s money. Yep, the real world part.

I’ve been given this beautiful freedom with my work. I love what I do. Truly. When the money’s flowing? I’m lit up. When it’s not flowing? I still love it… but I start rethinking everything. Why is it so hard to live comfortably when we're already so privileged?

Why does it feel like the universe is saying “go live your dream,” but also “here’s a big-ass grocery bill and an unexpected expense, good luck”?

It’s confusing AF.

And maybe you’ve had this exact conversation with yourself too. Sitting with your morning coffee, staring into the abyss (or maybe just your dog), asking,“Am I growing or spiraling?”

Honestly, I think the answer is both.

We are allowed to be growing and questioning.

We are allowed to love our work and want it to be easier.

We are allowed to not want to push and to wonder if we should.

So today, this is me just saying:

I see you if you’re feeling this too.

If you’re in your “fuck it” era and also your “maybe I’m meant for more” era at the same time. If your resistance feels like a riddle you can’t quite solve. If you’re navigating perimenopause, financial pressure, soul callings, and trying to decipher the damn signs from the universe like it’s a puzzle with missing pieces.

You're not alone. You’re just real. And wildly brave for staying curious in the mess of it all.

So talk to me. What’s your inner voice saying lately?

Are you also trying to figure out if that nudge is divine guidance or just indigestion and a bad night’s sleep?

Let’s have a convo. Hit reply, comment, or message me.

And if you haven’t already, visit my website—there’s a treasure chest of freebies waiting for you, and I’m always just a click away if you want to chat things out.

Big love, Ashley xo

Currently sponsored by deep thoughts, rising grocery prices, and a strong cup of coffee ☕