Life is Life"ing"

I'm feeling all sorts of unsettled these days.

My week has been filled with meaningful connections and amazingness, yet, there is this lingering feeling of "wasting" my time. The community is starting to have other people posting and showing up for my live calls and the momentum is incredible, yet again, I cant help but feel like I am always searching for more.

The universe keeps putting quotes in front of me about enjoying the process and paying attention to the moments as you build something and honestly this is the part that drives me bat shit crazy, I fucking love what I do as a coach and healer. If I could have my community thriving and buzzing, which it mostly is, and a full docket of clients, which as I type this I'm not even sure I want that...... things that make you go hmmmm

I love the FREEDOM I have to be able to set my own hours and work from home so I can be the one who ensures our household runs smoothly and I can be at all the things all the time. This is SO important to me. At the end of the day my family is always going to be my number 1 priority until the boys move out, or at least at this time that is how I feel.

January is always a reminder of how precious life is for me because I lost a good friend of mine to addiction. She was my ride or die in my early 20s. We partied so hard Im not honestly sure how I am still here on this earth. She unfortunately was never able to stop the drugs as a way of coping with life. It breaks my heart she is not here on the earth with us anymore but I definately know she is up there watching over me and proud of me for what I have achieved in this life.

Im so proud of myself for being the person I am when it would have been so much easier to just continue to be the absolute dumpster fire of a woman/girl I was starting as young as 12 years old.

So maybe this lull in busyness that feels like im hitting roadblocks is there to make sit in the discomfort of the inbetween. The place where you are headed somewhere but not there yet. This is where so much about ourselves can be revealed, but so many of us refuse to sit in the quiet and calm for this very reason. Why do you think meditation is so hard for so many of us?

As i sit here staring out the window watching the rain I do have such a deep sense of gratitude for all the relationships and incredible people who see so much good in me and celebrate me and lift me up when I need it. As someone who believed that she did not need anyone in her life to support her (trauma response) I guess it is kind of a big deal that I am where I am at in life.

We arent meant to be happy all the time. If we were than happiness would not feel like that big of a deal would it? It would just be another day. So Ill close out with this final thought to bring this full circle..... what is the universe trying to tell me right now? For myself it is the repeated crow flying overhead and saying CAW.

And as per google.

Listen Closely to Your Inner Wisdom

If a crow keeps calling you, especially if it seems loud or persistent, it may be asking you to tune in to your own intuition and inner wisdom. In many spiritual practices, the crow is a symbol of the higher self. It brings a gentle but firm reminder that the answers you seek are already inside you. When a crow makes itself heard, sit quietly and ask yourself—what truth am I ignoring?

And I guess with that I have some reflecting to do, don't I?

Until next week friends (understanding that most people dont read these blogs)