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  • Writer's pictureAshley

Pulling that trigger- Trauma Response

You ever feel like you are legit fucking crazy? Like something is totally wrong with you and you have no idea what to do about it?


You are not alone my friend. So many of my clients come to me feeling this way and I'll tell you the same thing I tell them, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.


I'll never share my clients stories, because they are not mine to share and our work is sacred, so to share what some of the challenges are that I help my clients with I'll always use my own personal examples to illustrate how I help people to understand themselves on a deeper level.


Being triggered is a hot topic of discussion these days isn't it? Some people suggest avoiding people who trigger you, however, I'm not a part of that team of people. I truly believe that our triggers are our guides. They guide us to where we have pain and unresolved traumas. They guide us to the source of our suffering.


Here is a personal example to highlight what I'm saying here.


In 2022 Mike went away for 3 weeks on a wellness retreat. For 1 week he was totally off the grid having no cell phone and ergo no communication with me what so ever. This is completely out of the ordinary for us.


In the few days before he was arriving home we were able to text here and there and he was speaking so fondly of the people that he was on this retreat with. There was a lot of women there and some of them connected deeply with Mike and really helped him while he was there. However, I started to feel uneasy. Like a rock was in the pit of stomach. Something was off. Was I fucking jealous? What the fuck is going on here?


When he arrived home I was nervous about how he would be. I was so fearful that his time away would make him a changed man and I feared about our future together. It is worth noting I have never once felt this way during our relationship.


He started telling me about his journey and that rock in my stomach was there again telling me something was off. It was intense. It felt like I was going to throw up. My chest was tight as fuck. I did my best to ignore it and push away these feelings because there was a part of me that was SO happy that he had this community of people who supported him in his healing, but there was also a part of me that was freaking the fuck out.


I started to go all PI and shit on Instagram figuring out who all the people were who helped Mike. As embarrassing as it is to admit I was sizing up all the ladies because there was a part of me that truly believed that Mike was going to leave me for one of these women.


I started to feel bat shit crazy. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I acting this way?

One night I just had to admit how I was feeling about everything. I sat with him in the basement and I was completely honest about how I was feeling and he sat there almost stunned looking at me. He was totally taken off guard because I have never in my life been jealous with him. Ever. Never did I ever once consider him ever leaving me, until now.


The worst part was I could NOT explain WHY I was feeling the way I was. What was the difference this time that caused me to have an unravelling?

After a lot of tears and heartache for both of us I took this issue to my therapist, who does the same type of Somatic Therapy I do with clients. Here is what I discovered that made EVERYTHING make complete sense.




My dad made a promise to my mom before she died that he would find me a new mom to help to take care of me. My dad is a man of his word so when mom died he was on the hunt that for that "mom" figure for me.


Unfortunately as well intentioned my dad was he ended up choosing women who were not up for the role of being a mother to his motherless child. They just wanted my dad.


My dad had a habit of trying to keep the peace and avoid fights with these women so he would constantly choose these women and their needs over mine because he didn't want to have conflict with them.


This left me with a deep core wound of abandonment from not only my mom dying but my dad choosing these other women over me.


You see where I am going with this?


So when Mike started talking about these other women so amazingly it triggered that core wound of my dad choosing other women over me. When this happens our physiology actually changes to the age we were at the time of the original trauma so, with reflection, I was totally acting like a 10 year old little girl having a tantrum because her daddy wasn't there for her when she needed him the most.


95% of what triggers us in the present is based on the past my beautiful friends.


I took a client through a similar sequence and she was able to put the pieces together, have a life changing AHA moment, give herself some much needed self compassion, and be able to move forward understanding herself on a deep and intimate level that most will never achieve.




This is the gift of what I help my clients to do. HEAL.


We weren't put on this planet just to survive my friends. We are meant to thrive!


But until we can figure out what are the reasons behind why we do what we do, we can't possibly heal them can we?


This is the gift of somatic therapy and healing in relationship.



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2 Comments


Unknown member
Jun 16, 2023

All the feels!

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Ashley
Ashley
Jun 18, 2023
Replying to

me too girl! me too xo

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