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  • Writer's pictureAshley

I can't feel anything when I'm with you

As I sat down with my laptop to start blogging I found some old blogs from 2 years ago and I am FLOORED by the changes since then.

I am always encouraging my clients to journal and THIS is why my friends.

It matters. It matters to look back and remember where you were, what your thoughts were, what your beliefs were and to give yourself permission that it is OK to change those as you grow.

My very first attempt to blog years and years ago shows my inability to discuss how I felt emotionally at any given time.

I'll share these blogs at some point just to highlight and show what I mean but it comes down to this my friends, I am a storyteller.

It is a beautiful gift. I LOVE that I am this way.

However, the problem is that this is a way that I have adapted to take a step back from my life and to live from an outside perspective.

To cope with the ongoing pain growing up I developed the tendency to disassociate so I just didn’t have to feel anything.

Which I am so thankful for, because here I am, I survived, but fuck, friends is it ever hard to get back in touch with your body after almost 40 years of not feeling.

It is possible though. This is what I want you to understand.

In September 2021 I sat on zoom in my Compassionate Inquiry Training with Dr Gabor Mate and I had a classmate who is an incredible psychotherapist who asked me one simple question “what is happening in your body”

I sat there for a few minutes and within the first minute or so I started to get SUPER frustrated, what the fuck?

How can I NOT feel anything? OMG is there something wrong with me? Who can’t feel anything? Am I legit like a serial killer?

I’m not joking that these were my thoughts. I told my classmate I am SO sorry I don’t feel anything and that is when I realized that this journey was going to be a challenging one.

And it has been, but damn, life on the other side of feeling is fucking priceless. So stick along with me here to learn how I’ve achieved the ability to feel.

It is my goal to share my stories with you all as a way of you feeling a bit less alone in your own journey.

If you have something you would love for me to cover and blog about I would absolutely love to hear from you!

Can’t wait to share my next epiphany with you soon!

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