I Was Taught to Be Small. But I’m Not That Girl Anymore
- Ashley
- Jun 27
- 2 min read
Let’s talk about how our childhoods shaped us
Not just our personalities — but our nervous systems, our beliefs, our boundaries (or lack of them), and how we show up in the world.
I grew up believing that being a “good woman” meant being:
Small
Quiet
Polite
Selfless
And totally fine with putting myself last
I was taught to behave.
To not make a fuss.
To make sure everyone else was comfortable — even if I was wildly uncomfortable.
Sound familiar?
Women Don’t Rage — They Bake Casseroles
The unspoken rules were clear:
Smile even when you're crumbling. Say yes even when you're screaming no inside.
Keep it together.
Be nice.
Don’t rock the boat.
We weren’t allowed to take up too much space.
We weren’t allowed to be angry, messy, or bold.
We were taught to serve, to soften, to sacrifice.
And I was great at it.
Until…Estrogen said: “We’re done here.”
Perimenopause Came In Like a Wrecking Ball
Now I’m 42. The hormones are shifting, my filter is dissolving, and I’m noticing some things.
Like:
I no longer tolerate toxic energy
I can feel when I’m abandoning myself
I’m allergic to “fine” as a life strategy
I have a new, burning need for honesty and depth
There’s this push and pull between the girl I was raised to be…And the woman I’ve been healing into.
Healing Feels Like Outgrowing Clothes That Never Fit
Some days I still catch myself shrinking:
Smiling when I want to scream.
Smoothing things over when I want to burn it all down.
Trying to stay “likable” when what I really need is to be real.
But I’m also different now. Because now I notice. And sometimes, I choose something new. Something better.
Something that honors ME.
This Isn’t a Breakdown. It’s a Becoming.
Midlife isn’t about falling apart. It’s about falling into alignment.
Letting go of:
Old coping strategies
Generational patterns
Outdated expectations
It’s messy, sure.
Confusing, yes.
But this is the work — and it’s so worth it.
You’re Not Losing Your Mind — You’re Waking Up
If you’re in this tension too, you’re not alone.
You’re not crazy. You’re not too much. You’re not broken. You’re just waking up.
You’re healing. You’re evolving. You’re remembering that your purpose in life was never to be small, quiet, or easy to digest.
It was to be FULLY YOU. No apology. No shrinking. No performance.
Free Resources to Support You
If you’re ready to ditch the rules and reconnect with your truth, I’ve got your back. Check out these free tools designed to support women just like us:
All free. All powerful. All yours.
Let’s Keep Going Together
This isn’t just your story. It’s our story. And I’m here for it — with compassion, tools, real talk, and a few good f-bombs when needed.
Want more like this every week?
With love, fire, and the audacity to take up space, Ashley
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